Reflections From My True Self

Remembering Who I Really Am

Falling Apart

4 Comments

When I was a child and showed a tendency to pout, my father would say to me, “Pull yourself together!” or “Don’t feel sorry for yourself.” And, of course, that serves me well when I need to focus my attention on creating the experiences I choose to have.

I did not know it, initially, but it is what I have been doing for a couple of days, since I had a small traffic accident that left me shaken and scared, but grateful that the physical damage was only to the cars. I did take a moment, before driving away, to breathe and ground my scattered, rattled energy, but still, all the way home, and through the subsequent days, I battled a heavy energy of exhaustion. And a sense that my strength might momentarily fail me and I might crumple in a heap, all of a sudden. Every small sound startled me, and left me frazzled, as if my son had played his trumpet in my ear.

All this time, I had been pulling myself together, without making a conscious choice, without checking in with what my needs were. But today, that effort seemed monumental, and my energy, weak and diluted. There was a lump in my throat that felt like a fixture there, I swallowed around it.

Today, finally, I was touched by inspiration and I headed for the bathroom to run the hot water. I undressed slowly, as if my clothes were layers of experience, energies that I was shedding. I felt fragile, like I could shatter, as short fragments of the accident came back to me. I found my face damp with tears.

In the shower, sobs arose from my chest and my thoughts turned from the vehicles to my body, to my children, and all the uncertainties I hold at once. The water, my tears, the steam seemed to steep the heavy energy off of me, my muscles felt firmer, my legs reliable again, my stance more stable.

As I toweled off, I shrugged at the thought that I still have to deal with the insurance, with repairs, that nothing had really changed.  And yet, allowing myself this space of release, where I could feel the stark truth of my mortality and recognize the strain of holding myself up; gifting myself with a space to fall apart, to be with what is within me, left me with a cleansing emptiness that maybe, perhaps, could potentially become a renewed awareness of solidity and strength.

Sometimes the wisdom is not in pulling myself together, sometimes the wisdom is in allowing myself to fall apart.

Broken Glass by Brano Hudak on RGBstock.com

Photo by Brano Hudak on RGBstock.com

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Author: Andrea Friedmann

I am an intuitive Life Coach at VibrationsCoaching.com, helping women who feel stuck, lost, and stressed, in their business or their personal life, to reconnect to who they really are, so they can build a life they thrive in. My clients want to feel confident, energized, and excited by their life again! What makes me different is that I developed a process that combines coaching, spirituality, and energy work and, with it, my clients quickly get rid of anxiety, change the underlying, limiting beliefs that keep them stuck and stressed, and discover they have what they need to thrive!

4 thoughts on “Falling Apart

  1. Beautiful, thank you yet again! Susie El 13/08/2013, a las 8:50, Reflections From My True Self escribi:

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  2. I love the sentiment. It is so true, we rarely allow ourselves to really embrace our weaknesses, but when I resist weakness I give it a stronger hold on me. Thank you for sharing this.

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