I have been cleaning out my closets, clearing out the clutter that accumulates there almost without my awareness of it. I am making space for greater energetic flow in my life. And in the process, I have found (and discarded) boxes full of diaries and journals from as far back as elementary school. As I paged through the oldest ones, I rediscovered a very strong, very brave version of myself, trying to know my Self, and hide it at the same time. It did not feel safe to allow my fullness to show in the world, and I consciously took on masks to navigate my life. I wrote about this, about the masks.
And this reminded me of all the masks I have donned through the decades, of all the ways that I have hidden myself, and how, even today, sometimes, I may feel that allowing myself to fully be can feel frightening. I remembered all the ways that I have twisted and turned myself in knots to fill others’ expectations, which I had frequently internalized and accepted as my own. I remembered all the ways I betrayed myself.
And I wrote my younger self a letter. I know I have done that before. But I felt compelled to write this letter. And as I wrote the following, it dawned on me that it holds true for me, even now, for the days that I have left to live.
You don’t have to seek anything out or try to win anyone over. Just stay true to yourself, love and respect yourself, care for your body and your soul and you will find everything you have doubted you could experience, awaiting you in your path.