When the synchronicities in life are clear to me, when my insights are powerful and the connections deep, I am full of joy. I thrive when I am in the flow, where I simultaneously forget myself and have the broad perspective of my Self within the context of All That Is, minute and enormous. I love those days when gratitude washes over me unbidden and I feel whole and pure, when I find a source of inspiration in everything that comes to my attention.
I cultivate these feelings, and that is often what my daily life feels like. But not always.
I remind myself that this is because there are cycles in all of life. It is what nature shows me as I follow the course of the sun across the sky. I remind myself, too, that without the cold of winter when the life force gathers within the trees, I would see no brilliant blossoming in spring.
Now I find myself in a part of the cycle where my senses are not heightened, where my awareness flags and I do not grasp with my full being the gifts of the world around me. I remember a time when I would try to rouse myself away from this. I would feel I was failing somehow, to appreciate all the richness in my life, to really feel the raw gratitude and joy that each moment should warrant.
I sigh with relief to realize that I am free from the “shoulds” that I cannot achieve. For I cannot force myself to feel the expansive excitement that at other times spontaneously overtakes me. The flow in this thing that I do, this living, brings me here sometimes, to the place full of what is ordinary. And it all feels ordinary, even though yesterday, perhaps, it felt significant and monumental. I read back to the blog post A Million Million Blessings, and recognize the sentiments in it, but cannot feel them.
And that is okay. I am here now, feeling ordinary in my ordinary world. And when I stop and think about it, really, it is enough!