I received a strange dream last night that felt mythic, as if I experienced it through a veil. It had few real images that I can recall, but I was aware of myself among a throng of beings, displaced from our homes and each one rushing to search for a place of our own, among rows and rows, and clusters of rows of dressing room stalls. I found a stall for myself, (the only image I can recall from this dream) metal painted green, with a door that didn’t go all the way to the floor and no distinct ceiling.
In the dream, I was aware that there were other creatures out there, predatory creatures, powerful, creatures that I would have good reason to fear or, at least, avoid. I can’t recall them, but I think of them as wolves. They seemed to be calling to me. At least, I intuited that they wanted me to join them, and, despite reason indicating I should keep away, I really wanted to go to them. But I was reluctant to leave my stall, aware that if I went, it would quickly be occupied by another refugee like myself, urgently wanting one.
I couldn’t make out what the dream could mean until my soul’s friend, Amy, said the stalls remind her of work. I realize that it is about my decision not to renew my certification as a translator. Even though I may do a translation now and then, I am no longer holding onto that work as the floating life preserver I used to consider it.
Amy also said those wolves deserved healthy respect, but I didn’t fear them, instead I decided to run with them.
When she said that, a body memory awoke within me, in my womb, of the first time I felt the primal, physical and spiritual imperative of my True Self to do something very specific. It happened one day, in my early twenties, when I awoke in my bed, crying, knowing that I had to break up with my first and only long-time boyfriend, whom I loved, but with whom I had begun to feel stifled.
This force in my womb— which today’s dream has evoked again, opening wide my second chakra— I thought of as “the Wild Woman Within” (from Women Who Run With The Wolves). It was bigger and more powerful than anything I had ever felt. And I knew, more clearly than I knew anything about the world, that there was a part of me that was greater than anything my consciousness could grasp, and it was driving me. I had no choice but to obey: one way or the other, I would be compelled to obey.
Realizing that, recognizing that I had no choice, I felt forced, but also, for the first time, free to give heed to the Wild Woman Within.